Proof that I'm alive

First Week on Lord Howe Island

The fizzy, sparkly, bubbly feeling of pop rocks discovering their way in my mouth. I used to buy pop rocks at the movie store when I was little. Now here I am buying a bottle of overpriced champaign, celebrating living on Lord Howe Island for a week. Champaign gives me the same twinkly sensation that pop rocks do that’s why I love it so much. I sit on my porch watching the sky turn different shades of darkness as the evening quickly creeps in and I eat my pesto pasta and drink my champaign and I am happy. I feel like the little girl at the movie store holding her Mary Kate and Ashley video and her bag of pop rocks. I feel like I’ve got everything that could make me happy in this moment. 

I’ve survived my first of living on an island! I’ve gone hiking, I’ve cleaned and swept and mopped numerous rooms, I’ve conquered the concept of small talk, I’ve adapted to no more FaceTime calls and I’m becoming more familiar with my house. It’s all odd still and I’m homesick but it’s going by fast and I find myself happier than expected. The mornings shine through my window with a gust of wind following it’s lead. The night skies beam with stars and then quietly thunderstorms roll in during the early hours. The clouds come in giant poofs that collide into each other morphing into odd shapes that later couples will call out “that one is a duck!”. There is this romantic feeling about the island that I can’t put my finger on so I take another sip of my champaign and hope for another week full of starry nights and pesto pasta. 

My Australian Mum

The sun is setting yet here I am off to work again. It’s pouring down rain, my neighbors are having a party, and I”m biking up a hill. Getting drenched nonetheless. I quickly change in the bathroom and appear fresh in my black attire. Tonight is burger night at the Beachcombers and we already have customers. Two women walk in and request gin and tonics. I seat them at a candle lit table while my coworker makes the cocktails. The rain has begun to calm down put I can still see streaks of lightning fill the sky. The women ask where I’m from and before I know it they’re trying to set me up with the scuba diving instructor down at the Lagoon. I laugh as it’s not the first time someone has mentioned that I needed a boyfriend. I coyly change the subject and ask them about themselves. Turns out these women have been friends since the first grade, here they are forty years later on their first holiday of just the two of them. I congratulated them and said the next round of cocktails was on me! One of the ladies wrote down her address and phone number for me to contact her when I’m in Australia. This is my first encounter of someone that reminded me of my mum, I said thank you and looked forward to seeing her in months to come. I became friends with the ladies by the end of the night and hugged them goodbye. 

I forget that every time I have traveled I have also acquired a mum. A Scottish woman befriended me in a pub in Scotland, an Australian woman at a hostel in Arizona, my nun friend in England and here these two women on a stormy night at Lord Howe Island. It’s comforting knowing that there are people out there that will protect me and take care of me. People that want to go out of their way to make me feel okay and happy. Traveling can be scary but meeting people along the way that will hold my hand makes it that much better. Maybe they are all closet moms and treat every wanderer like this but regardless of their reason, they’ve been there for me and that’s something I’ll always be grateful for. One day I’ll be lucky enough to meet a wanderer like myself and offer a bed, a hot meal and listen to their story. 

The Smell of Coffee

They bring in their posh french coffee press every morning. I smile as the husband passes it through the little window and I place it on the stove. It’s been the fifth morning that we’ve done this and it’s beginning to feel part of my routine. The couple staying in room one are from Melbourne and they’ve been married twenty five years and counting! The little french coffee press travels closely with them everywhere they go so that’s why I find myself handing it back with brimming hot coffee. I like this couple. I like the small talk and the smell of coffee that follows them. I think that I’ll like working in a place where I get to be part of someones life even if it’s for that brief moment in the morning. I think I’ll enjoy it here. 

The Beginning of Something New

I walk down a narrow road into a thick palm tree lined path that I see no end to. It seems mysterious and uncertain as this is my first time going down this road. I’m dropping off my glass jug to the cow farmer at the end of the road, where I can buy a liter of fresh milk for only a dollar! The best bargain on the island! I place the bottle on a small bench next to a couple of other bottles and head back into the palm tree covered path home. Heading down the overly steep hill to where my house welcomes me on the left with mountains in the back and the wondrous sea in front of me. I breathe in, there’s a slight breeze passing and the sun isn’t out yet. It’s about two pm and I’ve just finished work, now I’m off to Joy’s Shop to buy tomatoes, onions, garlic and coconut milk. Tonight I’ll make tomato soup. I gather the groceries and shove them in a box and back up the hill I go to my house. I throw all the veg in the oven to roast and then I puree it and add coconut milk. Louis Armstrong serenades me as the house begins to fill with herbs and my stomach grumbles. I watch the sunset as I slurp down my soup. It’s getting cold out so I decide to watch a film tonight and read. 

I guess I thought living on my own would be more glamorous but I find myself so content with my bowl of tomato soup and the breeze and my bottle of fresh cows milk. I’m proud of what I’ve made myself here, it’s nothing extraordinary but it’s mine. Having something that’s mine feels special regardless of it’s value to others. Tomorrow I’ll make my oatmeal, go for a days hike and then go snorkeling. It’s simple and it’s becoming more comfortable. I have a handful of friends and I occasionally go to the beach bbq but other than that my day consists of learning how to live on my own. I’ve always struggled with being by myself and found social media and instant messaging a way to avoid loneliness. Without technology and that urgent demand to respond to people I find myself living a more fulfilled life. Yes, I still go on my phone and check up on all my friends and send pictures of the island but I don’t get reception everywhere on the island. I only have wifi at the museum and it’s godly expensive so I find myself going on my phone less and less.

Coming back

Today is August 27, 2015.  It's my first time being back in the states since September 2014. I've been living in a community in England, traveling a bit of Europe and gaining the confidence to make my childhood travel dreams a reality.

Making home in England was really hard at first, as a part of me didn't want to leave my safe little Bloomington, and yet I knew that it was something that I needed to do. Living in a L'Arche community was a wonderful experience. I love the people there with all my heart and miss them so very much. I absolutely love communal living and hope that I'm always part of a community. My community is beautiful and messy and silly but even the messiness is soaked up with love. Living in community allowed me to be stretched and to see beauty in new ways. I've learned a great deal this past year from my friends in England, but what's touched me the most is that these people let me into their lives and to see them at their most vulnerable raw moments. That's hard, that's brave and that's beautiful. That's what community is about. I feel privileged to have been part of their L'Arche story even if it were only for a year. I love working and living with people that have disabilities, building friendships, gaining trust and watching how we all grow. I am dying to go back, whether it's for Christmas or for a longer part of my life. It'll always have my heart.

Coming back to the states was really hard for me because I know I had changed. I knew I wasn't returning to Bloomington to make home there. I know that this will be just a visit, and that my travels are not done.  How could I come back and share the experience of community? How would I handle being away from my amazing new friends? Would old friends remember and welcome me back?  My friends and family welcomed me back and I've shared my bits and pieces of my experiences with them, and heard their amazing journies of first year university and travels near and far. My visit here overlapped with the return of my friends to school and I fell back into my old routine quickly and felt stuck in the waiting for something to happen phase. It was similar to last year when I was waiting for my UK visa and had cabin fever so I jumped on the bus to the Grand Canyon. I have this need to travel and not stay still, which terrifies my mum as she thinks I'm never coming back. I'll be back but not to stay, just to visit. 

 

It's exactly 5 days now til I fly to Australia. I've packed my backpack (yes, I'm only taking ONE bag this time!!) and bought my tickets and visa! I'm ready but scared to once again leave my familiar place. 

 

Lord Howe Island you're about to become my new home and I'm thrilled! Thank you to everyone who is helping make this amazing journey possible.

Aviemore, Scotland